This is where it all begins

In December 2005, I will be getting married.

I won’t wear a white gown, or throw a bouquet to a throng of my single friends, or walk with my father down the aisle of a quaint church. In fact, not one member of my family will be present at the wedding. The ceremony will take place in Canada, thousands of miles away from my family and my home here in Australia. When I return home as a newlywed with my spouse, I will be as single as the day I left, according to Australian law. I am marrying my partner, the person whose name I list under ‘next of kin’, my girlfriend, Heather – and same-sex marriages are not permitted or recognised in Australia.

Some people might ask why we would bother to get married, since it isn’t legal in Australia. The answer is, simply, that a wedding in Canada is the next best thing. And so, as gay men and lesbians have done throughout history, we will improvise with whatever tools are at hand, fashioning meaning in our own way, for our own needs. Heather and I want to make a commitment to each other – ideally, a legally-binding commitment. If that means we have to go to another country, we will go there.

In a way, the distance is a good thing, because it means that we needn’t get caught up in the mad circus that comprises some weddings. Our simple ceremony, in a foreign place, under foreign law, will reflect the most basic truths of marriage. The facts of our marriage will reflect a commitment between two people who are joined together even in times of adversity and hardship. Perhaps one of the few virtues of injustice is that it forces you to think about what you value. Injustice can provide a kind of clarity and certainty that is not necessary to those who do not face it. I don’t think heterosexual couples take marriage lightly, but I certainly think queer couples have a keener awareness of the privileged status of marriage.

This, I suppose, is one of the things I hope to understand better as I write this weblog. I want to write about marriage, and what it means in this society. What does it mean to get married? How are our assumptions and beliefs about marriage reflected in popular culture? What does it mean when we say that marriage is an ‘institution’? And why is it that gay marriage is seen as such a threat to this institution? As Heather and I prepare for our marriage, I will write about this process, the obstacles we may face, and what it all means to Heather and me.

If anyone is interested in coming along for the ride by reading this blog, I would we very pleased. I’ve never written a blog before – or prepared for a wedding – so I expect the next several months to be a big learning process. Any feedback, anecdotes or random greetings will be very welcome. Finally, I want to say that, although I am the writer of this blog, it will necessarily discuss a fair portion of Heather’s life as well. I thank Heather for her support of this project, and her openness. I want her to know that this isn’t just a log of our wedding preparations, it is also a testament to my tremendous love for her. I would also like to acknowledge all those who came before me and didn’t have the privileges I have, and those who fought for such privileges.