As long as you're happy
Heather’s mother, Rosemary, is really excited about the wedding. She wanted to be involved in organising the post-wedding party in Florida and gave Heather and me a list of the names and addresses of her closest friends so that we could send them invitations. Her enthusiasm is so reassuring and welcoming; I’m really looking forward to meeting her, and Heather’s dad as well.
A few days ago, Rosemary asked Heather if she thought they should tell Heather’s 95-year-old grandfather about the wedding. This would be a big deal because he does not know that Heather is a lesbian. Also, Heather was nervous because she remembers, with some degree of unease, an incident from several years ago. Her grandfather, Ted, is a widower; his wife died in 1997. The day of the funeral, after going to the cemetery, Ted gave Heather her grandmother’s wedding and engagement rings and told her that he hoped to see her married and wearing the rings before he died. Heather told me this story just a few months ago, and I could tell from the tone of her voice that she felt a little guilty. Her grandfather meant, of course, that he wanted to see her marry a man and wear the rings. Heather is comfortable with and proud of who she is; she also loves her granddad deeply. Though she didn’t say it, I got the impression that she felt she was letting him down somehow, in a way she could never fix.
So when Rosemary asked is she could or should tell Ted about the wedding, Heather didn’t know what to say. Not knowing if it was appropriate, she left the decision up to her mum. Rosemary called earlier today and put Ted on the phone.
He said to Heather: “Your mother’s told me of your decision to go to Canada … As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”
In the whole wedding process so far, the most astonishing part has been the reaction of our families. I suppose that I imagined the worst (I do this often; it’s my way of being on the safe side), and the reality has been far better than I could’ve imagined. I’m so relieved and pleased.
A few days ago, Rosemary asked Heather if she thought they should tell Heather’s 95-year-old grandfather about the wedding. This would be a big deal because he does not know that Heather is a lesbian. Also, Heather was nervous because she remembers, with some degree of unease, an incident from several years ago. Her grandfather, Ted, is a widower; his wife died in 1997. The day of the funeral, after going to the cemetery, Ted gave Heather her grandmother’s wedding and engagement rings and told her that he hoped to see her married and wearing the rings before he died. Heather told me this story just a few months ago, and I could tell from the tone of her voice that she felt a little guilty. Her grandfather meant, of course, that he wanted to see her marry a man and wear the rings. Heather is comfortable with and proud of who she is; she also loves her granddad deeply. Though she didn’t say it, I got the impression that she felt she was letting him down somehow, in a way she could never fix.
So when Rosemary asked is she could or should tell Ted about the wedding, Heather didn’t know what to say. Not knowing if it was appropriate, she left the decision up to her mum. Rosemary called earlier today and put Ted on the phone.
He said to Heather: “Your mother’s told me of your decision to go to Canada … As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”
In the whole wedding process so far, the most astonishing part has been the reaction of our families. I suppose that I imagined the worst (I do this often; it’s my way of being on the safe side), and the reality has been far better than I could’ve imagined. I’m so relieved and pleased.
posted by Michelle | 8:46 pm
1 Comments:
Hi Michelle,
Your posts make me think about how it might feel to have someone say they believe I am less than human; how it might feel to have my family not fully accept who I am; and the worry of all the decisions such as Heather's one about whether to tell her grandad, and concern about the range of ramifications, and then the joy of his beautiful, beautiful response.
Fantastic writing.
love,
Katherine.
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