As long as you're happy

Heather’s mother, Rosemary, is really excited about the wedding. She wanted to be involved in organising the post-wedding party in Florida and gave Heather and me a list of the names and addresses of her closest friends so that we could send them invitations. Her enthusiasm is so reassuring and welcoming; I’m really looking forward to meeting her, and Heather’s dad as well.

A few days ago, Rosemary asked Heather if she thought they should tell Heather’s 95-year-old grandfather about the wedding. This would be a big deal because he does not know that Heather is a lesbian. Also, Heather was nervous because she remembers, with some degree of unease, an incident from several years ago. Her grandfather, Ted, is a widower; his wife died in 1997. The day of the funeral, after going to the cemetery, Ted gave Heather her grandmother’s wedding and engagement rings and told her that he hoped to see her married and wearing the rings before he died. Heather told me this story just a few months ago, and I could tell from the tone of her voice that she felt a little guilty. Her grandfather meant, of course, that he wanted to see her marry a man and wear the rings. Heather is comfortable with and proud of who she is; she also loves her granddad deeply. Though she didn’t say it, I got the impression that she felt she was letting him down somehow, in a way she could never fix.

So when Rosemary asked is she could or should tell Ted about the wedding, Heather didn’t know what to say. Not knowing if it was appropriate, she left the decision up to her mum. Rosemary called earlier today and put Ted on the phone.

He said to Heather: “Your mother’s told me of your decision to go to Canada … As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

In the whole wedding process so far, the most astonishing part has been the reaction of our families. I suppose that I imagined the worst (I do this often; it’s my way of being on the safe side), and the reality has been far better than I could’ve imagined. I’m so relieved and pleased.

Happy birthday, Heather!

It's Heather's birthday today. Happy birthday, my love! Tonight we will join our friends for tapas, fun, and sangria!

Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/bigpru/44747230/

Definitely not a fad

Last week we sent out the wedding invitations to our Australian friends and family. It was a relief to finish the damn things, but it was also a little nerve-wracking to send them to my parents and brothers. Although they all knew about the wedding, receiving a formal-looking invitation is another matter. It makes things official, somehow. I was worried about how they might take it.

Mum called on Monday night to tell me she'd received the invitation, and that it was lovely. "I don't know what Dad thinks about it, though," she said.

I am used to this by know, of course. "Oh well," I said, "I'd like you all to come to the Brisbane celebration. It would mean a lot to me."

"Oh yes, Dad will come, and Aaron [my brother]. Aaron's excited already."

Mum is ill, and has been ill for a long time, so she doesn't know if she'll be well enough to make it to the party. She is also reluctant to leave the pets. This is not as much of an insult as it sounds; this is just the way she thinks. A lot depends, too, on her health at the time of the party. So we'll just have to wait and see.

Tonight I spoke to Mum on the phone again and she told me some momentous news. Last night she outed me to her best friend. Mum's friend, who has known me since I was born, suspected as much. She was at my brother's wedding last year, the wedding Heather and I attended together. It seemed pretty likely that we were a couple. Mum's friend took the news in her stride, like she's taken most things. Mum told someone that her daughter is a lesbian. And the world didn't fall apart.

I am so proud of my Mum tonight.

Ascendancy

The Courier-Mail and Queensland Pride newspapers have recently reported some unpleasant news regarding a Gympie politician. (Gympie is a smallish country town a few hours' drive north of Brisbane.) The unpleasantness comes in the form of Cooloola Shire councillor Ron Owen, a pro-gun wanker, former president of the National Firearm Owners of Australia, and former editor of what the Courier-Mail yesterday referred to as "the ultra right-wing, pro-militia magazine Lock Stock & Barrel". I suppose there's no surprise, then, that he also hates gays.

Owen has previously printed and sold bumper stickers with slogans like "Register poofters, not guns" and "Gay rights. The only rights gays have is to die (Lev 20:13)" (note the highly convincing Biblical reference). In a council meeting a month ago, Owen was asked how he could claim to be a champion of the underdog when he expressed views such as this.

"That's because I probably don't class gays as human," he said. "I don't think gays are downtrodden. In fact, they are in the ascendancy in our community. It's an illness, isn't it?"

Some good soul in Gympie has started a petition that will ultimately be sent to the Anti-Discrimination Commission. In this situation, I personally doubt that much can be done. And I wonder if, when a person expresses views as extreme as these, the public outrage it causes is enough. That said, though, I am writing from the relatively comfortable position of my metropolitan home. But I imagine that any attempt to reprimand him via official channels would give him extra cause to promote himself as a victim, and as the outspoken voice of the underdog. It's a tricky situation.

And Owen obviously does see himself as an underdog (now that's perverse). It's telling that he states that gays and lesbians "are in the ascendancy"; he obviously feels highly threatened, otherwise he wouldn't use a term like this. The poor old thing knows that idiots like himself will all be dead soon from old age and the artery-clogging effects of mean spirits. There will be ever-fewer people of his ilk to carry on his legacy of hate. Ron Owen can see his own obsolescence fast approaching. And that must really hurt.